:: The Bitch Girls ::

Where the Personal becomes the Political at our whim...
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:: Friday, April 04, 2003 ::

Care Bears So Bitter and I just finished a heated debate about Michael Moron and BfC with another blogger over IM and in our stress induced tizzy we decided to come up with care bears that could solve all of our problems. In "real life" there is tenderheart bear with a heart on his belly to make people feel warm and fuzzy, grumpy bear with a cloud on his belly to take the grouchies away, good luck bear with a clover on his belly to bring you good luck, etc. We decided that the traditional list was inadequate for the Bitches. We need more bears to help us in our times of need.

Tech support bear has a wireless mouse on her belly. She will point and click your way out of movable type hell (although she can’t make you feel better about how stupid you feel that you can’t figure it out yourself).

Drunken Bear has a shot glass on her belly. She helps you forget your midterm grades, ex-boyfriends, credit card bills, etc.

Man whore bear has nothing on his rock hard belly, he’s always freshly waxed. He does have a ten inch dong though, and will help you forget the pain and frustration of attending an all female institution.

Target bear has a 9mm revolver on her belly. She helps you hit your mark even when stupid guys standing in the lane next to you are making sexist jokes about girls with guns. She also whispers in your ear to remind you of stupid laws that you’re probably breaking by carrying around that empty 45 shell in your pocket.

Midol Bear has a tampon on her belly. She keeps you from killing people during your special time, and always has an extra for when you run out and can’t afford the ungodly expensive box of two that they sell at the campus book store.

Psycho bear has a rope on her belly, just to remind you that if you are going to crack under the pressure and kill yourself, to do it with a rope instead of a gun so that you’re sure to not harm the gun industry by your actions.

That’s all we got to before we calmed down. We’re going out to the bar soon though, so look for additions when we get in later.

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:: Spooky 10:18 PM [+] ::
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