:: The Bitch Girls ::

:: Friday, December 06, 2002 ::

What Is Love?... Baby don't hurt me no more... ok Night At The Roxbury moment over. I know I said I was going to bed, but I just finished talking to my mother. It seems that both my father and his parents sent my brother birthday cards. Now I find this a bit odd, because a little over a year ago my brother was pretty much told that my father's parents didn't want to see him again ever, and a little more than 16 months ago my brother found my father with a woman who was not my mother. Well needless to say, divorce ensued. As expected the conversation turned into one we've had many times, basically my father never really loved us, we were just the picture perfect family that he wanted to show of to other people. Why didn't he ever love us, because he doesn't know how to love anyone but himself. He never thought about how his decisions would affect the people that loved him, and that's because he was and still is, completely selfish. Love and selfishness are just not compatible. My mother on the other hand would have done anything for that man, whether he asked or not, merely because she wanted to because she loved, and still does love, the man she thought he was. I think I've had the best examples of the two extremes, my father who refused to give anything up or go out of his way to do something for his wife or family just because, and then my mother who gave up so much, including her parents, and went out of her way for him so much, just to make him happy. I know I've learned what it is to love from my mother. I know when I do fall in love that I will do anything for that person, just because. But I know that I've gained a wariness about falling in love because I have seen the heartache caused by loving and not being loved in return. In a way that has already happened to me, because I loved my father so much, like any little girl, but I don't think he was capable of loving any of his children. It was certainly made evident to me, last Thanksgiving. Here I was stuck in New England missing my family terribly, and I had my second to last shouting match with the man over the phone, and then was told via e-mail that I was no longer his daughter, because his parents mattered more to him than I did. Go figure.

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:: Anonymous 12:41 AM [+] ::
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