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:: Tuesday, December 31, 2002 :: Happy New Year! So my semi-last minute plans with First sort of fell through (we'll make better plans for next year). I will instead be spending the evening celebrating the end of 2002 and the begining of 2003 as well as getting at least a little tipsy here at home with my family. But I wanted to take a moment out and wish everyone a Happy New Year. I haven't made any resolutions for the coming year, mainly because I usually set really unrealistic goals. So here's to a happy and healthy year! Happy New Year Everyone! I have quite a bit to bitch about tomorrow since I took the day off today. Loans for the LAST TUITION PAYMENT, cover letters, resumes have been my priority today. I'll be tackling emails and posts tomorrow. Until then, have a wonderful celebration!:: Monday, December 30, 2002 :: I Need A College Version For The Dorms Since we don't have a stove in the dorms, we Bitches need a college version of this idiot/idiotarian test. Good Technology, Bad PoliticiansNew Mexico, joining at least 11 other states, will use technology that requires repeat drunk-drivers to be tested for intoxication each time they try to start their cars. A driver must blow into the so-called ignition interlock device, which then determines the presence of alcohol and won't let the car start if the driver is drunk.The technology is pretty cool, and great for people that want to use it. The politician is bad for his "I made a mistake and you will all pay for it" attitude. I'm curious about party affiliation, but for now I'm off to dinner. Good Advice Finally, some good advice to be found on this blog...only it's not from us.I wish everyone would just chill out.Read. Daytime Television Observations Amusing Headline of the DayHijacked Trolley Leads Police on ChaseI'm going to go out on a limb and say that this probably isn't the best way to win a girl back. (I'm not sure if playing the piano worked for this guy, but it's something to look into, as opposed to kidnapping.) How un-PC Can We Be? I tend to be far more polite than to say what really goes through my screwed up little mind. Now, I know that I didn't wake up early enough to actually post this story on the jerk that shot the Americans assisting at a hospital in Yemen as a news item, or to add any valuable commentary. But, I just want to say that when I continually read sh*t like this, it reminds me of something one of my friends actually had the nerve to say last year. She's an alum, two years out, and when she came back to campus one weekend, she found a sheet hanging in front of the campus center that said something about loving our enemies in the Middle East, not bombing them. Anyway, she turned to me and said, "Isn't the school short on student parking? When I see posters like that, I think 'Commuter Lot.'" Playing Nice With Guys I found a bit of dating advice over at The Agitator. This calls for a response from a female perspective.Damn, would dating be easier if we single folk followed such common-sense parameters. Alas, none of us do. And so the game with no rules lingers on -- in perpetuity.No kidding. A little logic could solve most of the world's problems. My problem seems to be that I'm too logical. My last ex told me that I was too logical in my approaches to our relationship. Apparently, I'm the only girlfriend he's had that encouraged him to go out drinking with the guys. He even had the nerve to be upset at me when I wasn't angry that some drunken girl came up and kissed him at a bar one night. Stupid boys, always want to imagine the catfight scenario.1) Never, ever, ever take a cell phone call while on a date. In fact, turn the phone off, or leave it home. It implies that you're holding out for better company. And if you place a call while on a date, or (worse) feel the need to check your messages, it had better be an emergency -- and you should explain as much. Otherwise, be prepared to cease dating the person sitting across from you.Eh, not a big deal to me. Granted, I would never make a call on a date or take one, but I think I'd like to have it with me in case. Besides, if the date is going horribly, it's a great excuse. If I see a guy with his phone, it's not the absolute end of the world.2) Remember the car door trick? We fellas' do take cues from such subtleties. If you like the guy, reach over and pop open his door as he's walking around to get in (I'm assuming he's already opened and shut yours for you).Score for Bitter! Part Two: Playing Nice With Guys, Part Two3) Understand that if the guy asked you out, an offer to pay your half on the first date, while polite, is usually taken as a sign that you aren't interested. Going Dutch early screams "platonic." If he asked, and you're interested, let him pay the first time. If you're really feeling guilty (and somehow, I doubt it), say something like "the next date is on me" after he signs the check.Maybe this is one of those areas where guys and girls differ, but I feel like I should offer to pay my part. Now, am I actually expecting him to pay if he asked me? No doubt. I'll still have enough on me to pay for me, though. I will admit that Radley's bit about offering to pay in the future is good advice. And even if he has little faith in women who might be sincere about it, it's something I would actually follow through on.4) If a guy asks you out and you have other obligations -- but still want to go out with him -- immediately offer an alternative. Otherwise, he'll assume the excuse is bogus and move on, no matter how legit it actually is.This kinda says insecurity to me. It's not the fact that she has an obligation that's the sign you shouldn't be involved. If anything, take it as a sign that she won't be annoying and clingy. Give her a bit of time to offer up some new plans though. She may not have anything to propose immediately. Just because she doesn't immediately offer an alternative doesn't mean she's completely blowing you off. If you try again and she doesn't do it soon, then write her off because she's probably too self centered to say she's just not interested or to think about alternatives that could work for you. Part Three: Playing Nice With Guys, Part Three5) Here's a little trick for the guys that happened to me accidentally the first time, but worked so well, I occasionally still do it intentionally: spill something. Not on her, or on you, but maybe after a few drinks, you mistakenly tip your beer over on the bar. You both laugh about it, it breaks the ice, and suddenly she's less afraid of doing something dumb -- because you're already one up on her. It puts her at ease. Granted, this little meneuver isn't honest, but 80% of what transpires on first dates isn't honest. Of course, now that I've revealed that trick for all the world to read, I can never use it again.Umm...okay...a bit strange, but it's cute in a weird sort of way.6) Ladies -- if the guy you're after is a dog guy, and you aren't much for animals, understand that this will be a major obstacle to an extended romance. If you are a dog person, be enthusiastic the first time you meet the dog. Bring a little treat for the pooch -- and you're golden.I think this applies to all dog people. I remember when one guy came to pick me up, and he immediately scooped up my little Sobaka to play with him. I wish we still had Sobaka, but sadly, we don't. Anyway, back to the pets. I find cat people aren't nearly as picky about this as dog people, but as a dog person, I think they're all crazy.7) Ladies, refrain from any and all Sex and the City references for at least the first three dates. Unless your intent is to send him running away screaming. Likewise, we promise not to bring up The Man Show.But I like The Man Show! In fact, as I type this, I'm watching the Pimps 'N Hos episode. What's not to love about it? Beer, hot guys, dirty jokes... If a woman can't handle all of that then I say she's not worth dating. Part Four: Taking On The Chicks Now, let's move on to the advice from chicks that he linked to in his post.1. Resolve to tell him you love the size, shape, and personality of his member, because there's nothing he can do to change it.If you don't know this already, get out of the dating pool. Make more room for those of us that are far more valuable and talented than you. I don't need you as competition (granted, you won't be for long if you need this advice) because I've been told and had it confirmed by several sources that the dating pool dries up after graduation. As a straight woman at a women's college, you can imagine why I'm concerned about this.2. If you say you'll call, then call. And don't wait more than four days to do it. (By the way, if they don't call, chances are they didn't lose your number, and they probably didn't hit their head and end up in the hospital with amnesia either. So just let it go.)Well the last part is a no brainer.3. Don't cheat.Oops. Let's not talk about that. Let's just say that people can change.4. Educate yourself about STDs, because whatever you think you know, it's not enough. Get tested for STDs regularly. Fess up if you've got one. And don't freak out if a potential partner fesses up to one: More than one in three people in this country will get some kind of STD during their lifetime, so it's not that big a deal. Be grateful that they're probably just more honest and more informed than most of your luvvers.No kidding. I know plenty of people that are plenty educated on this subject, but have never been tested. I don't think the problem is in admitting it to someone else, but in admitting it to oneself.5. Just ask them out already. Who cares if they say no? Go for it. We promise, when you're on your deathbed, asking out Sandy from Accounting will not be one of the big regrets of your life.This post is getting long. I hope that it sparks at least a few interesting comments or emails. I think this one is the killer for us all. It's the most logical step in beginning a possible relationship, but the hardest as well. It's the logical part that I can't even pull off. I have never been able to make the first move. Once again, citing the dating pool bit above, I'm making it a resolution to get over myself and ask someone out if I'm interested this year. Part Five: Taking On The Chicks, Part Two6. If you're not in the mood, explain why, as gently as possible, so they don't develop an inferiority complex.How about this? Boys, contrary to what you may want to believe, the world does not revolve around you. Sometimes we've had a day that leaves us a bad or under-the-weather mood. This is not the best time for sex. Here's an image for you. She's pissed off. You pressure her for sex when she says she's not in the mood, frustrating her even more. You beg, she heads south. Do you really want to be on the receiving end of that if she's pissed off? Didn't think so. For once, believe us when we say "It's not you, it's me." It's true...unless we're breaking up with you.7. If you asked the person out, you pay for the date. Otherwise, assume you're going dutch.See above, in response to Radley's advice on paying for the first date.8. If you're not sure how your partner is feeling, open up your mouth and ASK THEM. If you're not sure how your partner likes their sex, open up your mouth and ASK THEM. If you want your partner to know how you're feeling or how you like your sex, open up your mouth and TELL THEM (nicely, please).Another problem area for most people, and sometimes even me. Well, the first two aren't the problem, it's the third. Granted, my view is that you should pay attention and all the problems there will work themselves out. I would say look for subtle cues, but the cues shouldn't be so subtle.9. Don't discount the short guys. Or the nice guys. Or the plump girls. Or the lawyers.Good advice! I think we have some rational women here, has Hell frozen over? My experience has shown that it's much easier and more likely to lead to a shot a successful relationship if you just look for the personality and traits that fit you. The rest kind of works itself out, and anything physical will be gone in 10 years anyway.10. Visit our wishlist.Well, I suppose if you visit that site and appreciate their advice, then do it. If you appreciated these responses then just leave an amusing comment or email. Just keep in mind that I'm still single. And I'm probably too young to really have a clue about relationships. Post Problem Solved It's too big. So now I have to post it in It's Scary, But I Can't Stop Laughing:: Sunday, December 29, 2002 ::If you're going to have an icon that sends out a general alert on a nuclear emergency, at least have a pop-up screen that asks, "Really?"Now, go read the story that inspired this comment. NOOO!!! Don't you hate it when you write a f*cking long, somewhat witty post and Blogger eats it? Don't you hate that you always highlight and copy the whole thing just in case this happens, except this one time? Family History can be so very cool. Today I unpacked a box my grandmother shipped to me that included my dad's old Navy uniforms. The uniforms, along with some architectural drawings and models, and his college degrees are some of my favorite things to have found over the last year. I can't believe that none of my siblings want this stuff, but I certainly don't mind taking it. I happen to think it's kind of cool to keep this stuff around for a while. I don't even know what my dad did or how long he served in the Navy. There's so much to be learned from people before they go. I think the project that Rachel Lucas is starting to learn more from World War II veterans is pretty damn cool. Yeah, I'm going to stop the random ramblings now. I just wanted to share how happy I was that this stuff is now out of the hands of the Postal Service, and now hanging in my closet. No Kidding! Here's a cute little Reuters story based entirely off six sentences from Julianne Moore. Why was this story written? They want to make the woman out to be a lesbian, or even better, bisexual so that she'll still have sex with men, just because she said that women don't smell as bad as men when she has to do an onscreen kiss. I once had a conversation with a male friend of mine on this subject, and it was completely onesided because we both agree that women must be better to kiss than men. He's the only one with real experience here, but still, the facts are out on the table. Women are softer, we don't have any scratchy facial hair to get in the way, and we pay more attention to the other person involved. Seriously, what's not to like here? I may be attracted to men, and I do enjoy kissing them, but I can appreciate the fact that men and women who enjoy kissing women have it pretty good. Now, go have fun with those sentences Reuters. Lottery Money For The Church It's all nice and everything that they lottery winner is going to tithe. I'm just kind of shocked that the churches would accept the money. I remember when the pastor at one of the churches that I used to attend in Oklahoma did an entire sermon on why he would refuse any money someone won in the lottery. It does seem a bit odd when you think about it. Finally! I updated the blogroll. I think I got most of the links that the other Bitches also wanted to include. If I left any off, please email me on my school address dearest Bitches. An Unexpected Benefit Apparently there is an unexpected benefit from breast agumentation. Honestly, I now really want to find out where Uma got her's and buy myself a nice pair.:: Saturday, December 28, 2002 :: Up To No Good Well, not really up to no good, but certainly not up to good. I just took the CNN "Top Stories of 2002" poll. Obviously, I put all the random shit that has no impact on the world as my top 10. It's all that CNN is good for anyway. The scary part is that two of the choices I picked were actually in the top 10 that are winning. How Kind The Air Force is just overflowing with generousity this time of year. They drop a bomb in someone's house, and six months later, finally offer to pay for it. Day Off, BBQ, and REAL Food I started to take one today. I went shopping and to see a movie with Bitchy Mom. Then we went by the gun shop (it was closed) and the liquor store together. This can't be normal bonding. The WeatherSlut Saga She hasn't been dressing like a slut as much since it's been averaging 15 degrees back at school. Now we have to make her act slutty instead. So while she went home for the holiday, she hooked up with her old high school boyfriend. She's been through the Yalie and Bowdoin boy, now she's moved on to the Williams guy in honor of Baby Bitch.:: Friday, December 27, 2002 :: Why Yes, I Am Staring At Your Shoes As I curled up with my laptop to write the post below, I did the obligatory flipping through the channels. I caught the tail end of an interview with the author of the book, How To Tell A Many By His Shoes. She said that after “years” of experience, she had observed many similar traits of men based on their shoes. She couldn’t have been over 30, so I’m a little curious about just how much “experience” she has. Just what did she try to find out about these guys? Maybe I’ll go buy the book and get it for the single Bitches. Do you remember what they say about men with big feet? Good, ‘cause I don’t. Religion, Holidays, and Government While trapped in the car with Bitchy Mother for damn near seven hours today, we had a rather heated discussion. She’s been an employee of the state (both for Oklahoma and Virginia) for pretty much her entire life. I pointed out that it seemed a little odd to me that she got both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off from a state agency. I simply asked that where she back in her administrative position (something she retired from 4 years ago), had an employee that, say, celebrated July 28 as something similar to Christmas in his religion, approached her about having the day off, what would she do? She said that she’d give him the day off, but require him to take it out of his vacation. My complaint had nothing to do with the fact that she got both Christmas and Christmas Eve off, because if he doesn’t want to celebrate anything on those days, then that’s fine, he can enjoy the days off to do whatever the hell he wants. But rather, why is it that the employee forced to give up part of his benefits to celebrate his religious holiday? Overheard on Comedy Central Hooters Chicks & The Mile High Club A lovely pair, don't you think? Attention First Bitch Read this. It's filled with crunchy goodness. (Link via The Agitator) Driving... again... We're headed back to Virginia now. Have fun. But not too much fun...:: Thursday, December 26, 2002 :: Does A Blogger Count? That's actually kind of depressing, but a question I have for the Amish Tech Support Dead Pool. I've been thinking about my picks since the first day, but I'm waiting until the last possible minute that I have internet access before the deadline to send them in. I also intend to join the Bitches up for this, but I have to wait until our email can be accessed again. Also, if he subs for each of the Bitches at different points, does it count six times? I'll ask tomorrow. Darn It wasn't the guy in our family. Juan's Advice To France After reporting that terror suspects were arrested in Paris, he has these words of advice.Seriously, France really needs to reconsider its staunch support for the United States. Her non-critical support in the war on terror, especially its unquestioning support for the US' rush to war in Iraq are the only reasons these terrorists are there. I mean, that is what we are told are the only reasons terrorists would consider attacking another nation besides the US. Cute, So Very Cute Well, a couple of people have already pulled apart everything they can from this story, but I just want to add one thing. I couldn't resist visiting the website of the group the author works for, Headwaters Fund. Isn't it cute, they call themselves "a catalyst for social change." Back to my point, let's learn about our dear little author, Emily.Emily came to Headwaters in 1999 after working as the Development Assistant and intern coordinator for Milkweed Editions, a national independent literary press. At Headwaters Fund, she works with the Development Director on all individual, foundation and corporate fundraising activities and with Monica, manages the Walk for Justice. Emily holds a BA from Lewis and Clark College and spends time outside Headwaters writing, reading, biking, and organizing music, arts, and social change events in the Twin Cities.That sounds like a personal ad to me! How about some of you hunky, single male bloggers give Emily Jane Heynen a call or send her a quick email? Headwaters is so kind as to post that information, too. Come on fellas! It's a girl (assuming around 27?) that loves to read, write (Yay for literacy!), and organize social change events. Maybe someone as oppressive as the ringleader of The Patriarchy could even get the girl to shave her legs. Anyone Have $2 Million? You could buy the town I mentioned yesterday. Now, we all know that because The Bitch Girls were on the story, the bids for the town suddenly shot up yesterday. Contrary to what they might think, AP & CNN's coverage obviously had nothing to do with the publicity. I Want To Bang My Head On The Desk after reading this. Do the people at AP have nothing better to do? Why is this in the politics section of Yahoo? Why was this article ever written? Not Really News This shouldn't be news to anybody, but here's an op/ed on the disturbing trends of the college admissions process.Cornell University has long asked students applying to the Ivy League college in central New York to submit essays so it could gauge their writing and thinking skills. In recent years, though, so many college-bound students have received professional writing and editing advice -- or bought essays off the Internet -- that Cornell has changed course. It now wants a student's high school paper, complete with markings by the teacher, as part of its application.They are just now moving to this procedure? I had to submit a graded high school paper to at least three colleges.Colleges have rushed to embrace early decision admissions, where a student applies to just one school by Nov. 1 of his or her senior year. If accepted in early December, that student must attend. About 225 colleges offer the option, locking in as much as 60% of their freshman class that way. But the system helps the colleges more than the students.Now maybe someone can help me out on this one, but what power does the college really have to make sure you attend? I work for various deans on our campus, and I know that women call as late as the beginning of the orientation week to say they aren't coming. We never ask why, we just say okay and transfer them to the financial services stuff to get as much as a refund as they possibly can. So, if I were have applied to my school early decision, gotten in, then went ahead and sent an application in to, say, Vanderbilt, and opted to attend there, what could the school have done? All I would do is call them up to say that circumstances no longer allow me to attend the institution. I just don't see how early decision is terribly binding. Would The Real Lotto Winner Please Stand Up? I think I'm going to hell, but my first thought when reading this article about the Powerball winner was that my mom has a cousin that lives in Hurricane, WV. In fact, we just had a nice family meal with him on Sunday. I wonder if he stopped by the C&L Super Serve to buy a ticket this last week? More News from Alphecca I'm just glad that I'm not there. I have a love-hate relationship with snow and cold. I hate the cold, but I don't get cold easily. I love the snow, except when I have to dig my car out. My car is safely tucked away in Virginia right now, and I don't have to venture back up that way for another week and a half. Late Night Christmas Presents Well, I got one late night gift from my mom, and it's that we're now leaving tomorrow! Thank goodness! I don't think I can handle another day of this. BUT, MORE IMPORTANTLY, late last night (well, after I got kicked off the computer anyway), the results of the gun control coverage on Yahoo were posted. Yahoo obviously wanted to be much nicer to the gun control folks this holiday season.:: Wednesday, December 25, 2002 :: So Very Naughty I'm sure many of you have heard that the scraps from the World Trade Center will be used to make the USS New York. Well, Laurence Simon, guest blogging over at A Small Victory today, has the scoop on future vessels bearing state names. Die Hotmail. Why can't I check my various Hotmail accounts? All I want to annoy some people with my emails. My family took the little rugrat out to look at Christmas lights, so I'm here alone. Someone keep me company. More Proof that Juan Gato is in control of The Patriarchy.As we all know, the remote control is one of the great symbols of phallic power. One dominate individual controls what the others will see and what information will be available to them. So, earlier today, I was fulfilling my Patriarchy assigned duty by flipping channels.On a similar note, so far no serious replies have been posted to my attempt to lure the crazy crunchy granola chicks (not you, First!) :) into a debate on whether candy canes are phallic symbols. WalMart: Evil Oppressors WalMart decided to pull a Barbie that got knocked up off the shelves. She even had a husband and a son. I can't tell from the picture on Drudge whether she's barefoot or not."Customers said they were not happy with the pregnant Midge doll so Wal-Mart removed the entire Happy Family set," said Melissa Berryhill, a spokeswoman for Wal-Mart.Well, it's no wonder! "Happy Family Set" What the hell? What family is this modeled after, anyway? I wouldn't want any future daughters of mine to play with something called a "Happy Family Set." It might lead her to believe that such things exist. Wow, that sounded harsh. I shouldn't say something so negative on Christmas. I just wouldn't want her to believe that there are families that aren't dysfunctional. They need to sell the set with a Crazy Aunt Margie doll, oh and maybe she could come with a Strange Cousin Matthew. Any Ballet Fans Out There? Dave Barry's recent column is for you.My problem -- and it's MY problem, NOT ballet's problem -- is that, because I am culturally unsophisticated, all ballet looks to me like -- even though I know there is MUCH more to it -- a troupe of mincing mimes. Whatever the ballet plot is about -- love, hate, joy, sorrow, the Russian Revolution, measles -- the reaction of the dancers is: ``It's MINCING time!''Not happy with his comments on dancing? Well, first you should read the entire column to get a better idea of his true feelings. These aren't even the tip of the iceberg. But, you will be happy to read this:Well, guess what, ballet lovers? You don't have to write! I am already being punished, severely, for not liking ballet. My daughter has decided, at age 2 ½, that all she wants is to be a ballerina. She has a tutu, which she wears with everything, including her pajamas. She likes to mince and twirl, and she expects her mother and me to mince and twirl with her, with our hands over our heads, ballet-style. We do this a LOT. ''Pirouette 'Til You Puke'' -- that is our motto.My college roommate was a ballerina. I love her dearly, but I would walk into our room and she would just be prancing. Thank goodness there were no tutus involved, but she did have those pointe shoes that look painful. Does It Seem Odd? There seem to be quite a number of winter twisters this year. The Presents Are Open, And I'm Already Shopping Well, I might be if I had enough money for this town. That's right, a town is for sale on Ebay.These days, only the post office is still going, a homey spot that features a display of blue-ribbon ceramics by local schoolchildren and a couple of bookcases that serve as an informal lending library.Sounds absolutely darling, doesn't it? Check out the neighbors... Merry Christmas!:: Tuesday, December 24, 2002 :: How Does Santa Fit In The Chimney? Reading this post at Right Thinking, I was reminded of the year that I began to question the existence of Santa. I'm not sure how old I was, but I want to say I was about 7 or so. Bitchy Mom put me to bed one Christmas Eve, and suddenly it hit me. There was no Santa. Bitchy Mom was responsible for all the gifts. I marched my little blonde self down the stairs and made the announcement to the entire family. I promptly "changed my mind" when they told me that Santa doesn't come to houses when no one believes in him. I didn't really change my mind, but I was willing to lie to get those gifts. Santa's Barbie selections were never one to miss out on. Fun Stuff! Alphecca has two posts on guns! Guns make me happy. Shooting guns is my main choice for relaxation. You already know this. Oh yeah, and for those who might be interested, my secret Christmas present wasn't a gun. It was a bar set. I'm still very happy! :) Bah Humbug Hotmail isn't working right now, so I can't check and reply to emails. Capitalism Rocks! I just ordered fun stuff and Christmas presents on CafePress from various bloggers. On The Way we passed through Knoxville. When I saw the exit marked University of Tennessee, I thought of Glenn. How bizarre. Nephew Cuteness This is the first time the kid (19 months) has seen me since he learned to talk. Want to know my name? Well, you can know the Nicholas version, "Fee." To the other Bitches, and 3 others that know my name, you'll understand why this is a little strange. Protesting: Future Olympic Sport? Juan Gato is on his way to making it happen. They Deserve a Bit of Credit At least they are trying to be pleasant, something not often seen in Boston. Yay For Us! My brother's AOL doesn't have parental controls to block our site. :) Santa Clause Effect? Well, having arrived here in Nashville, I found myself running towards the computer. Anyway, what's the first thing that catches my eye on the CNN page? Teens, Sex, and the Santa Clause Effect. That just sounds icky. It's not as bad as it could be, though.While June is the most common month for teens to have sex for the first time -- be it in a casual summer fling or steady relationship -- sociologists from Mississippi State University say many teens who are dating seriously choose December as the time to have sex for the first time.I don't know how true this is, but I suppose we could take a blogosphere poll to spice things up a bit. I found this passage to be most interesting, mainly because it revisits a blogosphere discussion."Everything you see on TV has people kissing under mistletoe and 'Buy her a diamond -- she'll love you!'" says Rose, who concedes that her summertime relationships have been of a more casual nature. Merry Christmas! I just wanted to wish everyone a wonderful Christmas. I will possibly heading back up to Northern Ohio tomorrow to see my grandmother, who is once again in the hospital. That's where I spent my morning today. I'm just glad I got to see her, because sometimes it seems as if she won't be with us much longer. I haven't posted nearly as much as I had thought I would with all this free time, but many things have come up here at home to hamper that (I'll explain all to my fellow bitches when we all return to rural New England). So again, Merry Christmas and if I don't post again before I return to school, Happy New Year! Posting Light Posting will be light today because I'm on the road again.:: Monday, December 23, 2002 :: So Very Low This is disgusting. Chick School Secret It's not quite the same degree of disgrace as these schools face, but I have a funny little tale of college building names gone terribly wrong. I've heard that one of the women's colleges in New England once had a donor named Hor for a new building project. Unforunately for the donor, Hor Hall could be easily misread. Fortunately for the students, the school opted on a more generic name for the building, a brand new dorm. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back I'm assuming that at some point in time, school textbooks have improved. So why the sudden rush to turn them into useless drivel? I Can Only Hope Moulin Rouge was terrible. Until that film, I always had the ability to sit through bad movies. It made me embarrassed to say that I enjoy musicals. I can't wait to see Chicago, but I have fears that it will be similar to Moulin Rouge. This article gives me hope that if there is a revival of musicals, maybe at least two or three good ones might appear. Now if something as wonderful as The King and I could be produced in my lifetime, I would be in heaven. Memo To Senator Lott: Get Over YourselfBut the senator also alluded to unnamed political enemies who have been lying in wait for a chance to pounce — and found it 2 1/2 weeks ago, when Lott's praise of Sen. Strom Thurmond's 1948 segregationist run for president ignited a firestorm of criticism.Now, here are some very explicit directions on how to achieve this: Now, The Happiness Since the rants are out of the way, I just wanted to share my happy thoughts. First of all, apparently there are going to be a couple of surprising present for Christmas that I can’t take to my brother’s house to open. This would imply that I can’t have them around my nephew. Is it possible that I could have my first gun under the tree? Wait, we don’t have a tree. Okay, have my first gun near the couch? I doubt it, but we are going to the gun shop tomorrow. I did get one present early, the second season of The Simpsons. Happiness abounds. Random Thought While fighting with my laptop, I opened up a candy cane. Is a candy cane a phallic symbol? First, The Rants Regarding The Drive In order for this post to disappear more quickly, I’m posting it first. Please believe that I’m not really an angry bitch. I swear. BUT, some people can drive me absolutely insane! Stupid drivers are the first in that category, especially because when I drive beyond work or the grocery store, I’m usually driving at least a couple of hours, or in the case of yesterday, 11 hours and 42 minutes. Stupid drivers are the cause of all of my delays. The weather was wonderful and clear, the roads were perfect. Why the hell did people come to complete stops for the hell of it? Why did people insist on remaining in the left lane even when they were not passing anyone at all? Well, here’s my observation: AOL Hates Us Well I had an unexpected family gathering to attend yesterday. While at my aunt's house, I attempted to do a bit of blogging. I get bored there easily, they understand why. I really don't have that much in common with most of my family. Anyway, so they have AOL, and I discovered that the parental controls don't like The Bitch Girls. How very sad. I did pull out my laptop and write a couple of posts on it, so sit tight while I go get them.:: Sunday, December 22, 2002 :: Maybe I Won't Hate PA Anymore Yay for Pennsylvania!:: Saturday, December 21, 2002 :: Holiday Math While I can't begin to compare to the blogosphere's math whizzes, I thought I would provide some fun holiday math for you all.(40 miles + Holiday Traffic) * I-81 in PA = >10 complete stops on the interstate = 3 hoursEven with the insane delays, I made what would be a 13 hour drive for those going the speed limit in less than 12. Normally, I can do it in 10 1/2. :) Christmas Shopping So it's my second day at home and I haven't started to go too crazy yet. It's sort of weird coming back home. So much has changed here at home, there's a lot more growth in the area, and so much that is familiar is gone. Last night I was getting acquainted with my neice. She is so gorgeous and such a good little girl. It is going to be a joy watching her grow. Today was spent shopping. Not the best idea for me, by 4:30 my ankle was starting to throb, but I have to say it was worth it because I had a nice peice of red meat (the first in months). I also picked out almost all of my gifts my mother is giving me this year. There's just something about knowing what's going to be sitting under the tree on Christmas morning. Since I got home today I've been pampering my ankle and watching a lot of MTV or reading a novel I picked up just before I left for break. I'm reading American Gods, it's pretty good so far. Well, that's all I really have to say right now... just trying to relax and recover from finals, and since I'm at home I get to deal with the fun of the standard dial-up speed (I have to say my connection is something I really miss when I'm away from school). Oh and we're decorating our tree tonight... we bought the tree today. Awwww... Such a cute story. Since I consider Baby Bitch to be like my sister (can I trade my real one in for her?), I should think of something just as cute for her. Wrapping Up Here Well First is now on her way back to Michigan, Spooky is asleep and I'm about to hit the sack myself. Bitchy Mom's gonna love that I'm bringing home a huge laundry bag full of dirty clothes. To make it up to her, I'm also taking back the bottle of Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur. Tomorrow will probably be very quiet because of travel, unless Preppy or Spooky steps up to the plate. Baby won't be back for about another 5 weeks. I miss the girl already. Anyway, I did want to share this one with you all. A post to one of the college newsgroups::: Friday, December 20, 2002 ::a few weeks ago, i saw a girl in *dorm on campus* wearing a really awesome t-shirt that said "_____ patriarchy." i can't remember what the exact phrase was "dismantle patriarchy," maybe? anyway, if it's you or you know her, could you ask where she got it? it's been on my mind ever since and i'm dying to have one.I think she should go read our quotes from last night. Oh yeah, and I'll probably compose a little translation guide to that while I'm home. The Party of Small Government? Sure. He's Stepping Down I was sitting on the plane this morning and as we were taxi-ing to the terminal at Port Columbus, I happened to look at the "airphone" in the seat in front of me. What to my eyes should appear but the headline that Lott is giving up the Majority leader position. He's not giving up his seat (nor do I think he should), but I really think that maybe he should have done this at the beginning and maybe avoided the entire scandal. All I Want for Christmas... Well, I really want quite a bit for Christmas, like a gun. Not gonna happen. Maybe for graduation? Mom? MOM?? :) Just In Time It looks like our little project was just in time. Here are the TSA's suggestions for holiday travel. I didn't even think about it being just before the holiday season. I'm driving, so I don't have to through that crap. Anyone know how to make the drive from New England to the southwest corner of Virginia any shorter? Out of Beer According to this article, Germany might face a shortage of beer. Sucks to be them. No Kidding?!? Was there a pressing need to publish the results from a child's science project in the British Medical Journal? Are the other submissions really that terrible? Was this story not interesting enough? (Second link stolen from Juan Gato because he's an oppressor.) Remember The Good Ole Days? I have no doubt that many of you remember the *EVIL* blue books from college exams. Those of you that have never experienced a blue book, or don't remember, be happy. Be very, very happy. I hate the damn things. They never fold properly, and it's just a strange little book. Anyway, last night at the range I had an idea. Wouldn't a blue book make a wonderful target? I think so. Guess what I snuck out of the exam this morning? Three extra blue books. :) Archives Umm, does anyone know how we can get our archives back? The posts are still available for viewing and editing in Blogger, and I've tried republishing about 15 times over the last day. I'm stuck for answers. Trippy Maybe it's the fact that I've had less than 12 hours of sleep in the last 5 nights. Maybe it's the frazzled nerves of just finishing up the last exam of my very last fall semester in college. But this story of almost psychic vision over at The Agitator, one of the very first things I read when I got back to my room, is just trippy. Late Night With The Bitches Why are the four of us that are left on our respective campuses still awake at this hour? Spooky and I are off to take an exam at 8:30 AM, Preppy is catching a plane in a couple of hours, and First is still busy writing papers. However, we'd like to give you all a glimpse inside the heads of the bitches before we tackle the last day of the semester. What follows is a partial, completely out-of-context script of the study session Spooky and I just ended::: Thursday, December 19, 2002 :: I'm Coming Home I finished my finals (although I feel I did rather poorly on this last one... can I blame it on the ankle thing?). Feeling rather elated and having run on so little sleep all week, I'm sort of used to it, so I've decided not to sleep until I am on the plane. I want to wish all my Bitches a wonderful Christmas, and a Happy New Year (those that I won't be seeing that night that is). With that I need to make sure I packed everything, and get my air cast back on. Preppy On Crutches That's right, I'm on crutches now. I went to the "fabulous" health center, and first they give me crutches and asked if I'd been walking on my ankle after seeing how swollen it was. I was about ready to say "You know what I flew over here... of course I've been walking on it, how do you think I got over here?" Then I was seen by a doctor and she proceeded to tell me that yes my ankle was sprained, but it was at an "if-y" point. There's the possibility that my ankle could be broken, but seeing as the "fabulous" health center decided to close the X-ray lab yesterday, they couldn't take any x-rays of my foot to see if my ankle was broken. So I was given this sage advice: "If it doesn't get any better, go have x-rays taken when you get home." Gee, ya' think? At least I wasn't asked if I was pregnant like 5 million times (as if that would be possible). So I get to have the fun experience of navigating through three airports on crutches tomorrow morning. Last Day So in 24 hours, I will be 10 minutes away from my plane leaving New England. I can't wait to get back to sweet home Ohio. But unfortunately I still have a full day left here at school, and guess what my day is looking like. First off, I get to take a geology exam this morning... I should do well enough on it. It's only 25% of the final grade, so as long as I get like a C I should be good in that class. Then I get to go to the Health Center. It will be my second visit ever to the Health Center, and coming just a day short of three months after I went in for my appendix. I think I sprained my ankle last night, because my left foot is being a bitch to walk on. So after the Health Center, I will hopefully get to study just a bit more, and then I am due at work, and immediately after work I'll be taking an exam on the politics of the Middle East. Believe me I can't wait to get this day overwith.... :: Wednesday, December 18, 2002 :: College Girl Boobs! Come back here at 1 AM EST (less than 2 hours from now) to see the procrastination project that Spooky and I have been hard at work on! HAPPY BIRTHDAY FIRST BITCH! We love you hon! Happy 21st dear! One More Thing I forgot to link to this last night. It's a good little anecdote on the diversity and nature of gun owners. This, then Bed I would call this chart my reason to get up this morning. But, today it doesn't have that status. Today I'm linking it as I get ready for bed. I admit to napping for a little while last night, but not nearly as long as I would have liked. But now I'm actually going to bed. That's right, an entire 2.5 hours of sleep before finishing up one more paper. Maybe the thoughts of guns will make me have good dreams during my rest. Hanging My Head In Shame Tonight, a posting on one of our college newsgroups appeared that made me want to lock my classmates in a closet and throw away the key. A girl wrote to ask everyone for other references to a story that she read online about Bush reducing the Bill of Rights from 10 amendments, down to 6. She thought that the original newspaper was titled something like The Onion. There's no pity for someone that stupid. She should go to the range with me on Thursday so I can have a moving target practice. The world would be a better place. For The Bargain Price Of $150,000 You get hypertension, an ulcer, an alcohol problem, and become a nymphomaniac.... oh yeah you get a piece of paper saying something or other about a degree in some sort of bullshit. Tonight that's what First and I decided we were paying for here at "eltitist women's college in rural New England.":: Tuesday, December 17, 2002 :: Message Left on Voicemail: "Hey, I was just calling to make sure that you weren't standing on top of some building. You know, with a rifle and that whole finals stress thing. Anyway, I hope everything is going well." Josh, I love you. You are my source of sanity. Procrastination Project UPDATE *Tomorrow night* will probably be the debut of the secret project. You've seen the first hint, this update is the second. We're currently delayed because we're out of duct tape. $$$$ Making Suggestion I think these two guys should make their CafePress items available on this. I would so get one from all three, but only after I get this one. Over the Hills and Through the Woods to the Library I Go... Before I head out, I wanted to blog about something I saw while at work. This report on a Capitol Hill hearing on drugs is quite interesting. A big thank you to The Agitator for digging up the (possibly?) good news. But, now I have to add that Glenn's link to it sounds a little dirty. Maybe it's only because my mind is always in the gutter, but the phrase "Balko's got video" just sounds like naughty things wait at the end of the link. No! No! No! I don't want to believe that it's true! I thought I never had to see Swiss Bitch again! Juan Gato just posted about some of her clones. Pardon? My favorite quote of the morning?:: Monday, December 16, 2002 ::"I abhor pornography in the workplace," he said.Some guy working in the Senate recording studio decided to copy some porn. Unfortunately for him, he accidently hit the button that broadcast it all over the building. That quote came from Senate Sergeant-at-Arms Alfonso Lenhardt whose office oversees the recording studio. My question is, do they often have the problem of porn in the workplace? Migraines Suck I just have to say that when a person needs to read 8 chapters of a text book for an exam given tomorrow evening, and then you get a migraine... it's not fun.... I just want to curl up into a ball and forget that I have any work to do. But I can't so I guess I'll be loading myself up on coffee and smoking the night away... great stuff. Feeling Good Go read, now. It's just good fun. Guns, pointing out false statistics, giving the benefit of the doubt by using the false statistics and STILL shooting the little bastard down. Now I'm off to bed for a nap before I write two more papers due by 5 PM tomorrow. YAY! After the completion of two papers, I'm enjoying my FAVORITE episode of the Simpsons. Spooky Insight Spooky, halfway through finals:"At this point in my academic career, I'm so okay with just blowing the shit out of China just so I don't have to write a paper on it."Don't worry, she was this way about Europe last semester. Call Me! How cool is this?...we'll be taking over the rest of the world next Thursday, right after tea, unless it's raining. After that, we'll figure out what to do with the damn thing. I suspect that one of the first things we'll do is to make the use of Political Correctness a Hate Crime™, punishable only by death.I'll be finishing up my last final on Thursday and then heading out to the range. If you need any help, call me. I'll be armed! (Yeah, ignore the fact that I usually shoot with a .22 that can't do any serious damage.) Not So Bad I'm sailing through my paper even faster than I imagined. I'm not complaining at all! So I decided to check on some blogs while I sip my morning caffeine dose. This post at Instapundit makes me feel so damn young! (Mix that with the fact that I realized while writing a comment on Juan Gato's blog that Rep. Harold Ford is young enough to date, and it's kinda scary. Scary like makes me want to burst into song and sing "Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon" kinda scary. Oh yeah, and my bday is in just over a month. I'm getting kicked out on my ass into the real world. I want to go hide now.) I've been trying to post this since 8:30 last night. Finally, Blogger is working for me. I had lots of other entertaining and enlightening posts last night, but Blogger was being a pain in the ass. Now I have exactly 7 hours to write 7 pages for which I've done minimal research. The hard part will be doing the research to back up my arguments, but even that shouldn't be too bad if I just STAY AWAY from blogging. Yeah, this should be fun. Finished Well sort of.... I finished writing my paper that is due tomorrow. I now just need to go through and check to make sure all the footnotes are correct and type up the bibliography. Then I get to start studying for a geology exam and after that's over on Tuesday, a politics exam. I went through 7 cigarettes in about 6 hours, and I feel like I could fall asleep at any moment. I think I may take a mini-nap (meaning lay on my bed for about 10 minutes, and force myself to keep my eyes open), so then I can get back up and get back to studying.:: Sunday, December 15, 2002 :: I LOVE Oklahoma! Take that, Lott! I miss home now. Chew On This My car has automatic windows. My driver's side window motor thingy that makes it go up and down is wearing out. So here are the questions I pose to you all: A) Is it a pain in the ass to fix? B) Is it a pain to the wallet? C) In other words, will I be asking for car repairs for my birthday? (As you can see by this question, I'm not the best person for technical questions, but hey, play up the cute chick thing and it all works out.) Damn Songs After reading about the brothel furniture auction in Neveda, I have some of the songs from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas stuck in my head. I'm Sensing Some Anger Here... I'll go hide under my covers from the intense emotions and from my papers. One down, four to go. My next big distraction to overcome? All the Simpsons episodes that *magically* appeared on my hard drive. F*ck Men So what is the last thing I need to be thinking about when I'm supposed to writing a paper that I wanted to get done tonight (it now looks as though I will not be getting any sleep tonight and very well repeating my two or three day run without any sleep at the end of last semester), men, that's what. Well, more acurately it's one man..... damn stupid Heineken boy. The fact that I dreamt about him twice in the past two days, not to mention the many times I've dreamt about him over the past month or so. I hate my stupid sub-concious. Why can't it just let me get through finals without having to bring up that issue? There are times I really wish I had gone co-ed for undergrad... I would be reminded daily what assholes men can be, and wouldn't be prone to this counter-productive..... I don't know what the hell to call it. Well back to writing about Islamism. Is it bad that a religion paper looks a hell of a lot like a poli sci paper?:: Saturday, December 14, 2002 :: Read This And Weep I'm not being sarcastic now. This story is absolutely frightening. Link via A Small Victory. Why do our archives keep disappearing? Asthma An interesting discussion about the regulation of inhalers is going on at Asymmetrical Information. It reminds me that I should be one of the people to take care of myself a little more than I currently do. I have asthma, and the attacks are absolutely frightening. I don't remember my first attack, but I remember my last two. It's pretty rare for me, so I never keep any prescriptions up to date. During my first semester, I ended up with mono. I was so sick and physically worn out that I couldn't walk to the bathroom (maybe 40 feet) without having a mild attack. I needed to recover from everything to eventually feel better, but when I was finally able to just get an inhaler, I felt like a million dollars. You think this would have taught me a lesson. Nope. Chick & Guns I hope all the Bitches had fun today at the range. (Well, all the Bitches except Spooky, but she goes most of the time.) We had nine women end up going with us. We had a couple of people put it off until the end of finals, but they are still going with us at some point. It was fun, and certainly helpful for finals stress. More Holiday Shopping If I had a man to buy gifts for, then I would keep this in mind. Is Your Ass Free Speech? Well, Australia has to decide soon. Big Media Sucks! They just ruined any surprise he may have been hoping for. Bye Bye to PMS Now we can blame it on Hurried Woman Syndrome! We now have an excuse to be bitchy! I completely understand.Revisionist history is a good thing, sometimes.Explanations here and here. Unfortunately, Michele will be resigning from the Bloggers Who Like To Drink Association. Dave Berry "We must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security." Funny I'm going to hell. The Poverty Awareness Club on campus is doing a fundraiser. Would it be mean to email them and say that if they wanted to show true solidarity with them, they wouldn't be raising money?:: Friday, December 13, 2002 :: Fuck Blogger It ate a post. :( Porn, Porn, PORN Tonight First Bitch said that my room looks like the set of a porn movie. I hate the ugly brown folding door on my closet, so I covered it with purple satin type fabric that I found at Walmart for $1/yd. In a unique design move, I put my bed right in front of it. Because the bed is up on cement blocks, a regular bedskirt won't cover the ugly bricks and all my stuff. I bought some red satin type fabric (also only $1) to make my own bedskirt. So with this mix of purple and red, First Bitch said it looks like the scene of a porn movie. Interesting to know since many times there are at least 2 of us Bitches on it. Christmas! Because it's all about giving instead of receiving.Though the array of American-pride gifts has dwindled a little this holiday compared to last -- when the memory of Sept. 11 was so fresh -- there are still plenty to choose from for the patriotic of heart.If I had the money, I'd buy everyone in the blogosphere one of these: Taking Care of Business Well even if the Senate Republicans aren't going to, I am going to take care of business. What is this business you ask? Finals? Not as much as they should be taken care of right now. The procrastination project? Not yet, still lacking some of the supplies. It's email! That's right, I'm catching up on emails for business, personal and this site. Yay for exciting Friday evenings. More Resignations? Drudge says that Kissinger is resigning from the 9/11 commission. Damn, no resignation from Lott. Kick Ass That's exactly what this chick did. Before I head off to the job that I hate so much, I thought I would put this out there. Spooky and I are working on a procrastination project for finals. We hope to take pictures and post here to show our new creation. Hint: It involves breasts. Procrastination Fun Ever wonder which Care Bear you would be... well find out! One Week!!! So one week from right now, I will be sitting in an airport in Cincinnati waiting for my connecting flight to Columbus. In fact in the time that it will take for me to wait for my connecting flight and for it to get into Columbus, I could get home in the same amount of time if someone would meet me in Cincinnati and drive me home from there. I'm a patient girl. Well, I am most of the time. I'm starting to get a little frustrated by Blogger. You can have seven beautiful young girlfriends! Well, you can when this game comes out in 2004. Bad News for Boston University. How do you lose $3 million? Shopping Online Now THIS is cool. The things you find online... Simply Put... I agree. Especially with this statement:I'm going to make a prediction. [Bowling for Columbine] is going to be nominated for an Academy Award, which it will win. Moore is going to get up to accept the award wearing a tuxedo jacket and pants, tennis shoes, and baseball cap. He'll also be unshaven, so as to solidify his faux "man of the people" motif. He won't find any irony in being given an award by a huge, capitalist media industry that has done more to glamorize gun violence than any other in history. No, he'll get up, win his award, then piss and moan that nobody wants him to "get his message out." Pink What Aerosmith has to say about it::: Thursday, December 12, 2002 :: Be Back Shortly I'm looking up stuff for another post that I want to do tonight. So far the results of the search are amusing. Why the sudden posting spree? I've been busy all day (class, work, short lunch break, class, work, sleep!) and suddenly have quite a few things to bitch about. Fortunately, I just had my last day of classes for the semester! It's kind of scary to think that I'm officially one semester closer to entering the real world. I don't want to hear it. Make it go away. The Agitator was so kind as to post this story about a 21-year-old prick that is going to make headlines tomorrow. Maybe not, but somehow I could see it being a novelty headline. The worst part is that his dad is so well connected that he won't get a sentence of any kind for this shooting. What kind of message will the NRA and gun rights activists be sending if they don't call for this kid to be charged? We talk about enforcing current laws for those that use guns illegally, and this kid did just that. We can't turn our heads to this. I say this because I'm a 21-year-old gun rights "activist" of sorts (if you can define activist as one that sends emails, makes phone calls, introduces new people to the sports, and shows up to rallies and other events when they happen) that will pay the price for this a**hole's actions. Shooters at my age are finally getting some attention and breaking the old white male redneck stereotype of gun owners. Just look over at the Volokh temporarily even larger ass Conspiracy. Sasha is in charge of a gun club at Harvard Law. On their website, they post some of the press attention they've gotten. All of this positive attention ruined by one person.
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